I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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