just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
