bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
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Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
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My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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