i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
