Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
