there was a trapeze. enough said
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
