Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
