somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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