I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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