The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
