i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
