My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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