I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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