That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
one two three fourrrrnication!
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
