She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
