I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
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i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
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We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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