I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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