i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
