I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
