how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
