I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
