He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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