My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
