you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
