found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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