i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
