Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sorry about my life...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
