i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
