i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
