Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
no you cant smoke seaweed
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
