Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
