theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
