The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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