And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
3 2 1 whiskey
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
