Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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