so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
