I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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