Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
