i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
