If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize