my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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