I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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