Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
