So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
