i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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