Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
