do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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