Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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