i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
