Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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