her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
