Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
