Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
