Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
