yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
