i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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