I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
