Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
