Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
