so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
