Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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