How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I could fuck to npr.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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