every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
