this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
