i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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