There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
