I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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