Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
