the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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