Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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