I feel great
I just peed on a car
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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