I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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