you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
