I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I can't turn off my feet"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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