I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
