Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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