oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
How external is "for external use only"?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
