Yo dont text me then not text me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
