She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
