The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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