Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she told me i tasted like america
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
