he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm too high and old for this...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
