come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
