Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
