am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
