oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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