The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
